Here and There: cheers to seniors and all that is to come

I thought I would have moved on by now. Well, to be honest, I have moved on. I don't curl up on my marriage bed and weep like I did circa May 2011 after abruptly graduating from college, getting married, and moving out of the Xie house (pronounced "she"...it was our landlord's last name and way too punny not to use for the name of a house full of girls). But there was something remarkable that happened between 2007-2011...I became me. I'm by no means complete or polished or even tactful yet, and I still look at those years with some rolls of the eyes, some blushing, some tsk-ing...But it's amazing what happens to you when you allow change to occur. The older I get, the less spontaneous I am and the more stuck I feel in the daily grind. It's a fight to constantly look at the world with arms and eyes wide open (cue Creed...thus cue groaning), using every opportunity to wonder and doubt and be shocked and learn.

College was filled with wondering, doubting, being shocked, learning, crying, laughing...But sometimes I felt the pressure to constantly be soaking up new experiences, particularly while abroad, which was sometimes exhausting (remember my post about being an introvert?). There is something comforting in routine, something great about simplicity, and Friday nights when you can always expect homemade pizza or sushi and good drink. I tend to look at college with a complete fondness for every single year and friend and moment. It was Utopian in my memory. How could anything be better than a house full of 9 girls, laying out in the front yard to study in April, World's Fair Park runs and Ultimate Frisbee, watching super depressing movies like Fargo and There Will Be Blood (also...Teeth...Ashleigh?) and laughing hysterically so as not to cry, friendship bread nearly every day of the week, room mate chatter around a single baking pan of cake, girl arms intertwining as forks shovel the [usually] Caitlin-made deliciousness into our mouths? I mean, there is nothing like it. At all.

However, college wasn't perfect. There was brokenness (but also redemption), lots of confusion, so many papers and stress and too much estrogen in one house. And on this other side of the fence where the grass seemed like it would be shriveled and dead and boring, it isn't. I haven't stopped learning. I haven't stopped relishing good music and sleeping late and planning random trips. I haven't stopped being friends with my loves. Two years out, and I remember freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior years like they were yesterday. I am still getting to travel and be spontaneous (and BONUS - I get to do it with my very best friend..."it" being traveling...duh). I can finally afford home cooked meals and even buy the materials to mess up a recipe here and there. I don't have to think about studying when I get home. I keep meeting these amazing people no matter where I go...they weren't just confined to UT. I'm even realizing that as terrifying as 30 may seem, 30 is sort of the new 20. Which I never thought I would say.

So seniors, cry your eyes out. Eat an extra slice of graduation cake. Have a few more nights at Sassy's. But then stop crying and smile, because it's not over. You are on the brink - even though it sometimes feels like life is ending. You've been alive for 22 years, and four of them - FOUR - hold your heart. It just gets better. Yes, you'll still go dancing; yes, you'll still get to have girl sleepovers even if you're married (I do); yes, you'll get to eat too much cake; and yes, you'll keep being friends with the ones who stole your heart 4 years ago (but you have to make it happen). There's even a new sweetness to these relationships that I know I took for granted, because A. we're so far apart, B. there's always a greater fondness for the ones who saw you naked all the time both emotionally and physically and loved you anyway, and C. the old friends are the ones you can call and will appreciate every new story you have to tell about this brave new world and the place you have in it.

My challenge to you is to make 30 your 20. Don't kill yourself, but have goals, particularly with exercise, because otherwise you'll be too tired after work to think about that. I made it my goal to be in better shape in my 20's than I was when I was 20. Think about things like refined sugars and high fructose corn syrup like all the cool crunchy people you know, but don't stop eating chocolate chip cookies. My suggestion would only be to not pound 25 all at once like you did in college because you will start feeling the effects of late nights out, too much alcohol, and high sugar intake way worse than you used to, starting at around age 24 and a half (ugh). Also eat more fruits and weird vegetables like kale. They're so good for you, and you can even trick yourself into loving them in smoothies without realizing they're there. It's great.

Finally - a toast to my girls near and far away and across oceans and who I haven't seen since a Canadian wedding nearly two years ago: you all made college what it was, and you are continuing to make my life what it is today. I'll drink to that.