top 12

I don't often indulge in Vh1 shows of any kind mostly because I didn't have access to Vh1 for the last several years of my life. But then you're flipping through channels with your homemade margarita and a big bowl of pasta with a lot of pesto, and you can't help but unmute the tv. Especially when it's the top 100 songs of the 00's. My jams. I grew into the person I would BECOME as a result of this music. Change your life, change your day, change your attitude, change your mind music. Music I fell in love to, music I wept to, music I grew to, music I handed to people with confidence that they too would be changed because of, music that can only be appreciated when hearing at just the right moment, usually really loud, sometimes at a wedding or on a dance floor or in your car or on a plane with your headphones in. I can't show 100 videos on my blog, but some were so formative in my music appreciation that I have to post the most epic 12. Please take a moment to enjoy at least 25 seconds of each song. I will say - not all of these are songs were my favorite or the best, but they played a huge role in ages 12-20 for Stephanie Parker, and it is likely that some of them did the same for you.

1. Beautiful Day:
The heart is a bloom. You hear this and feel like someone who finally gets poetry after never understanding anything William Blake or Lord Byron was saying in your high school English classes. I can't really explain the power of U2; even a sarcastic, cynical, pop-music loving middle schooler like me heard this song and was moved to tears. It has continued to stir something up in me every time I've heard it since, and I never get tired of it. It reminds me of growing up and learning to embrace life as is.

if it has a dot com, it's legit

It DOES have a dot com, mind you. ".com" status makes it the real thing (so no judging the legitimacy of my blog), which means you have to stop and pay homage to the earners of this rite: the dogs. Here is an appropriate song to accompany you through this post...

It's National Dog Day. As I speak, my husband is chasing my furry child around and around the couch. I already really appreciated their ongoing lighthearted banter where Mina fakes ferocity and then reluctance to wrestle when Philip goes in for the kill. But National Appreciation days call for a moment to stop and reflect on the honored ones, and so today I'm considering what it is about this supposed "non-soul" that I call friend that makes me swoon.

Maybe it's because she knows me so well. Or maybe it's because I know her so well. Or maybe it's the unexpected things she does that make me look behind those brown eyes and think there's something else there. She has a lot of depth. She gets her feelings hurt, she pouts, she gets excited, she's determined, she's cautious. She expresses all of these feelings nearly every day. I don't really know how she's able to do that and still not be a human, but somewhere inside of her I think she has these empathetic human feelings because of how much she loves me and Philip.

It could also be the times that she just sits with me. I either love to be still or be really active, and she can appreciate both of these activities on a moment's notice.

I mean, I think most of the time she would be curled up in a sleepy ball regardless of whether or not I at home, sick on the couch (below) or doing work on my computer (above)...It just seems that she chooses these moments at just the right perfect time that I can't help but think they might be her faithful way of communicating "I only have puppy eyes for you".

I'm definitely not ready for the b word, but when I find myself stroking her ears and watching her sleep, I wonder if maybe she's serving a purpose for both providing one of the truest friendships of my life, while also priming me for a future of being "mom". I don't know, but I'm enjoying the fact that she's mine. In honor of Happy Dog Day, enjoy one of the nominated best animated short films from the 2013 Academy Awards. Your hearts will swell.

heavy

I've tossed it around in my mind again and again whether or not to write about this, but it's one of those things that has come back to me so many times that I feel like it would be less me to NOT talk about it. A lot has happened recently. There has been a lot of hurt and sorrow in the lives of people dear to me. Recently is relative, but I'm dating back over the last several months. You know it'll happen to you one day, and so you sort of prepare your heart for the inevitable passing of someone you love. But even though there's a resignation in your heart, there is no adequate, tied-up-with-a-bow preparation you can make when it actually, finally occurs. Because really - it wasn't SUPPOSED to happen to you. These sorrows sit on my shoulders, and unfortunately it's not even the same sorrow that weighs on the friend to which it happened. They have their own pain, and it's difficult realizing you can't lessen the pain of your loved ones by deciding to also carry it.

My Facebook feed is inundated with calls for prayer, posts of condolences on this or that person's wall, news of tragedy. An amazing guy and mutual family friend died during a hiking trip in Switzerland. A friend's mom passed away this weekend. My sister is recovering from cancer and the side effects of treatment. One of the teenage girls from my time as a youth intern has had several surgeries for her cancer. A good friend's younger brother is in treatment for cancer. My brother in law's high school friend passed away suddenly a few weeks ago. I think of my grandmother when I spoke to her on the phone the other day of my grandfather who passed away in 2012. I asked how she was doing, and she said, "it hasn't gotten get any easier". It breaks me into pieces.

It makes me tired and heavy and uncertain what to do with it. There's only so much sad you can feel, particularly when it doesn't literally directly affect you. It's not my mom, it's not my body, it's not my brother, some are not even my friends. But how do you keep going when you're at work, reading the text that conveys the recent unfortunate event that occurred? It's not my burden to carry, right?

Honestly, I think empathy is a gift. Right alongside compassion. It's this treasure you pass along to the ones who are hurting. An offering of "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry it with you". Scott Sauls made a great point in a sermon shortly after one of the aforementioned tragedies that happened in Nashville. He talks about how Jesus promises He will never take us through a valley He hasn't also walked through Himself.

And then there's the beauty in it. So many sweet reminders of Grace and outpourings of Peace. The body of Christ clearly evident, doing the work we are supposed to do. And this promise of what comes after. The "fairy tale" of sorts. The happily ever after that you thought only existed in Disney movies.

Scott also mentions in his sermon that when he was younger he was convinced he was dying of a terminal illness. And as he was grieving this impending death, his mentor asks him to put his fear in the context of the worst case scenario. He says, "What the worst possible thing that could happen if you do die within the next year? The worst thing that could happen is that you'd immediately be transformed and transferred into the direct and immediate presence of Jesus, and begin a life of everlasting bliss in the complete absence of things like death, mourning, crying, pain, and sickness. That's the WORST thing that could happen to you."

I have to be honest that I struggle with similar fears in my heart - fears about my family, about myself, about people I love and death in general. And Scott's summation of heaven - a place with which I've never been particularly intrigued - brings about a new sense of grief for the scary things that could be and that which is unknown. There's this new sense of grieving with hope. It's like this spiritual, interim bear hug He gives us when nothing else makes sense. It doesn't fix anything by any means, but it softens the blow - the slap in the face of being in a really broken world.

So to my friends who are grieving: the human heart longs for companionship in every emotion. I grieve right along with you, and my hope is that all of the prayers being continually lifted by those of us who love you will carry you through this valley.