I may not be a full-blown 5-points-of-Calvinism Presbyterian at this point in my life, but I can't even begin to describe how desperately sweet it was tonight to sit in a crowd of Believers and listen to music that has become increasingly more encouraging and weighty and beautiful the older i've gotten. The best part is that it was a concert, but not one of the 20 (or so) incredibly talented musicians who got up to sing seemed to have it in their motivation to be showy. Most of them sang with their hands in their pockets, super chill, but still extremely passionate. In Wales, while I lacked a constant immersion in Christian community, I really didn't feel the emptiness as much as I probably should have--until I got home and experienced that fellowship again. I went to the "hymn sing" at the Ryman in Nashville tonight. I know that may sound southern and revival-ish, "we gonna go to a HEM sang, ya'll", but the music that is associated with RUF is anything but tacky. Kevin Twit (RUF minister at Belmonth), along with his students and other aspiring artists who also loved hymns (but disliked the tunes) wrote new music for the brilliant, rich, full, literally MEATY lyrics of the old songs of the church. I can't even tell you how moments like tonight make me not "all fired up for JESUS", but instead longing for the richness and beauty associated with this music to be alive in my heart. It's like eating a full meal after starving myself for 5 months. So much Truth presented in the span of a few hours. Does this sound shady?
I visited a church last Sunday, which shall remain nameless, and I left sort of sick to my stomach. I didn't feel fed, but overwhelmed. I mean, I don't think i attended a concert necessarily, but when the leader runs around on the stage and sings different words than everyone else is supposed to be singing, I can't help but wonder how much that person is leading as much as showing. this church is very "let's get EVERYONE in Cookeville to come here and be excited for Jesus". It has that feeling of "get saved and get going" and less "let's also seriously challenge and encourage and prepare the Christians already in our church body". I don't like it when salvation is thrown on people. on the opposite spectrum, I also dislike it when churches assume everyone in the church body is already a believer and therefore unbelievers feel completely lost and unaccepted. can't there be a balance...?
And can't there also be a balance in music? I always thought there could only be so many songs with "God you're awesome, amazing, incredible, divine, indescribable, uncontainable, blah-dee-blah blah". I was wrong. There are yet MORE songs that I am hearing that i've never heard before with the same lyrics. Yes, God is good. And we need to be reminded of that. But a lot of times, when I go into services, and literally the entire church is so freaking excited and singing all these praise songs, I feel like I need to leave because I'm the only one who doesn't have the right heart. I'm not praise-y feeling. Ok, so part of this is my fault, and I need some heart softening. But I don't think the majority of the Christian walk is happy and exciting. I think its hard and frustrating, and some Sundays all I really want to do is fall at Jesus's feet and confess and ask Him to hold me. The hymn for those Sundays:
"Dear refuge of my weary soul,
On Thee, when sorrows rise
On Thee, when waves of trouble roll,
My fainting hope relies
To Thee I tell each rising grief,
For Thou alone canst heal
Thy Word can bring a sweet relief,
For every pain I feel"
As Kevin Twit said tonight, "following those lyrics, I immediately have to pray Mark 9:24 'Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!' " I long to know you and feel you, but I don't. Lord, help me.
I feel like with every praise song, there should be an equal amount of the Gospel in music. We are wholly dependent on Jesus because we caaaaaaan't dooooo iiiiit. We aren't good people and we don't love to get up and jump around and yell about how wonderful God is....without Jesus. The beautiful thing about the Ruf hymns is that as they have transcended hundreds of years, they are still true for the Christian walk. It's not that people can't still write good worship songs...it's just that many of them do not contain the weight, the heaviness, the depth, and the poetry of hymns. The REALITY of hymns. there are so many "pump up the Christian" songs. I don't need pumping up and feeling better about myself. I do enough of that during the week in my selfishness. I need to hear about sin and grace and love and compassion and difficult stuff. In songs and in preaching. I don't know if I'm too cynical (ok, yes, I definitely am in some ways), or if I'm not as Spiritual as some people, or...maybe i'm too narrow minded in my view of what makes good worship. or maybe there isn't a "right" way as long as your heart is in the right place. maybe it's just preference. but I seriously believe that hymns are one of the most hidden treasures of the church in this day and age. what makes a hymn a hymn anyway? and are hymns still being written...?
nobody knows about Indelible Grace, but they're on itunes, and I would super suggest discovering them at some point...
