So. Having married 2 and a half weeks ago, gotten and started a new job at Coffee and Chocolate 4 or 5 days a week, and begun my internship at Knoxville Center of the Deaf 8:30 to 5 Tuesdays through Fridays (and when I'm not at those places, I'm sleeping to regain sanity), I've realized a few things about myself. I could NOT have a 9-5 desk job. Ever. I cannot sit for that long, I can't stay awake when I'm sitting, I hate doing paperwork, I hate filing, I hate feeling like my lunch is sitting in a pit in my stomach and slowly going to invade my thigh fat cells, and I feel like I am not supposed to be used for that purpose in life. Also I've realized that I need at least two hours a day to calm down, not do anything, be in a comfortable spot, read, pet my dog, talk to my husband, drink coffee or wine, pray, spend time with Jesus, have a coffee date with my friends, etc. Or else I do not feel like a human being. I feel like I am just doing what most people in the world fall into--the monotony on life, work every day-sometimes on weekends, constantly wearing work uniforms, rarely laughing hysterically, forgetting their hobbies... What about travel? What about running? And music and movies and talking to people about important things? I feel like people don't know how to have fun. Most of the people I work with wear outfits from the '80s, don't bother to put on make up, and are craaaaabby if we get one too many phone calls in the office. No wonder these people seem to have no joy--they don't do joyful things! Sit outside when it's cool, eat dessert, watch the sunset...Stop washing all the dishes, putting the house in perfect order, and falling into bed with a hard day's sigh. Love others and love yourself. Maybe it seems selfish. But if you don't take care of your soul, you can't take care of others. I hate being busy. Why does the world run on one speed? Why is everyone so concerned with being "on time" and doing things most efficiently? Sometimes in order to curb my OCD tendencies and slow down the need for "efficient" in my life, I purposefully leave a dirty cup in my car or drive 5 mph under the speed limit, or let Mina play outside for longer than just long enough for her to pee. So what if everyone thinks you're the greatest? If people think you're the greatest because you are punctual and clean and not emotionally messy, what does that make you? A clean, punctual person. Great. I feel like dependable means more than being on time and not stepping on anyone's toes. I would rather be able to stop and listen, stop and pray, and be dependent on Someone else who does have His shit together. I don't.
The moral of the story is. A. I hope this mentality doesn't get me fired one day. B. I think I might be more faithful to friends than work. C. is any of this even Biblical?
