I would just love a good hat. Also I want to stop thinking about me all the time. Its always there: am I one of those annoying people? Do I walk funny? Am I too blunt and do I make stupid jokes? As I write all of this down, I am actually furthering this problem and making my self-absorption look all the more pathetic. How come i blog in my brain and fill journal pages in my imagination all day long but then when i sit down, I can't write. it's like suddenly all my thoughts and inward blogs collide and then I'm not even really sure why I was going to write in the first place. Maybe I just want someone in the void out there to know that I think about things. I never thought I would have a blog, but now I do and it's sort of weird knowing just how many people will be seeing my thoughts. I don't think they're terribly personal, but personal enough that I'm a tad concerned about responses.
Do you ever think about how the cold is so romantic? Something about the rosy cheeks and watery eyes and the way your breath hangs in the air for longer than normal. Do you think the breath stays in the air because it has water droplets, and the water droplets freak out because it's cold and don't know where to go so they just hang there? Also everything is brighter when it snows. Which makes up for the really dark days accompanying snow days, but also sucks when it is sunny, because then you can't really see without sunglasses.
There are weird things I worry about. I worry about bad breath. But I hate brushing my teeth. And sometimes I feel like I need to look perfect because someone might take a picture. I worry about social awkwardness. I think I'm more susceptible to it because i was home schooled. I don't think i'd be a very good writer because I do this stream of consciousness type of writing instead of having complete thoughts, because otherwise, all my important thoughts wouldn't come out because I would forget them. So sometimes if I just talk, I get to say everything I want to say. Unfortunately, that's usually less than eloquent and so then I wonder if I could figure out a way to line up my thoughts appropriately, perhaps they would come out wonderfully and even make some sense. I've realized recently that I've become more and more insincere. I listen half-heartedly to people but expect those people to listen to what I have to say. I get annoyed, I don't have patience. I know everyone struggles, but i don't like it. I don't like insincerity. I want to like people a lot. Even love them. And listen to them.
I don't think all my posts will be like this. But I can't sleep, and I haven't been able to leave my house all day because of icy roads. I get cabin fever really easily. That's another thing. I think i'm pretty introverted, to the point where I don't like to be with a lot of people all the time--but I like to know people are around. that my room mate is in the next room.
You know one of my favorite things to realize about a person. That they have the capability to sleep as much as or more than i do.
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