from a young married person

I think something happens to you when you least expect it. I was reading a blog entry today from one of my favorites and as she talked about how snugly her baby is, I reminisced about all the little ways my mom always made me feel loved. I hadn't thought about them in a long time. She had a terrible old pink robe (which she still has), and when I was very small, she would wrap the both of us in it, and it was warm and safe and my favorite place. I also loved when sheets were fresh from the dryer, so she would "make up the bed" with me in it, tucking the corners in carefully. Before I started to panic, she would uncover my head and pile the pillows around me. During every movie we ever watched, she would scratch my back for its entirety. I'm not just talking the 1.5 hour Disney movies. Sometimes we would watch Anne of Green Gables or Gone With the Wind. These are long movies. But she never got tired.

Anyway, as I was remembering my mom moments (mom-ents if you will) I tried to a put a finger on the feeling I was experiencing. Nostalgia? Wistfulness? A desire to go back in time? And then it occurred to me. I'm getting softer. My desire was a longing for the moments when I could helplessly be loved by the person I trusted most...and another bound up longing to pour it on another tiny person. A desire to feel what my mom felt, to smell baby skin and know it's your very own and not someone else's baby. For the most part, I'm getting my fill in the form of my dog. I kind of see it in the way that I love the way her paws smell, how excited she gets when she's swimming or knows she's going on a walk, how I can't help but share my food with her, how I don't mind as much as I should when she gets paw prints on the bed, how I love to watch her sleep. But I feel like the little maternal molecules in my body are finally starting to cooperate and accept the fact that I am actually, for real, who-would-have-thunk a female.

To family and friends: Chill. This is mostly revelation that I indeed have a soul and may possibly potentially someday want to invest in a couple little souls. It's something I'm content to ponder...until the next time I hear a baby cry.